B
eing a nerd can be painful, especially if you are Latino. Belonging to a group – especially family – is central to a Latino’s culture, identity and well-being.  Fitting in comfortably with family secures a place for Latinos to be accepted and nurtured.  An aptitude or skill in math or science that is praised or admired by another group may be derided by family or friends, setting the Latino apart from the favored circle.  Ironically, what makes a Latino special individually can ultimately set him apart from the group – and therein lies the pain. Taunting family and friends – nerd bullying – worsens the pain. Latino youth who can tolerate the pain usually prevail in following their passion; those who figure that the loss of family and friends is too high a price to pay often give up doing what they love.  They end up doing “whatever.”  And that is the biggest price of all.

What to do?
    Prevent familia-based bullying.   Respect is a core value within traditional Latino culture, so promote acceptance and high regard for all family members – including nerds. Make respect the expectation – no exceptions.  Prioritize and reinforce it. Nicknames are common in Latino families and often based in light humor (“Balaso” moves with bullet speed in a chronic hurry, and “Tortuga” needs to speed it up).  Sometimes Latino monikers derive from some humorous family incident.  Too often, however, the family nerd is labeled or judged with veiled or explicit contempt and taunted by relatives. (“Hey Genius! Have you cured cancer yet?”) Other times the family will recognize a person’s skill or strength but minimize it with a negative comment.  “Es buen ingeniero pero le falta gracia” recognizes a person’s engineering skill but simultaneously cuts him down because of his weaker social abilities.  Tearing down excellence and promoting mediocrity is familia-based bullying. So is denigrating what we see (like someone’s appearance - ¡hay que fea!) at the expense of what we don’t see (like intelligence or talent).
A Hispanic nerd can be bullied by family if she either doesn’t meet family expectations (“You will be the same as the rest of us”) or if she breaks – intentionally or not – spoken or unspoken family rules (“You will never leave us”).  It results in another derivative of familia-based nerd bullying: “What’s the matter with you that you have to go far away to study science?  You can go to college here and live at home!”  
Modesty is a traditional Hispanic value that can be used to defend another form of familia-based bullying.  “We don’t want to tell him that he is really good at technology because he’ll get the big head.”  Or how about: “So now you’ve been to college, and you think you’re better than us?  You’re not, you know!  At least none of us are NERDS!”  Ouch.  The nerd gets pushed further out of the family circle with every insult.
What can a Latino nerd do to ward off the effects of bullying, whether from family or friends?
Start with building self-regard.  A young child looks primarily to his parents and then to other family members for personal feedback.  Adolescents later struggle to develop their own opinions and self-esteem, but they usually rely upon peers for feedback. Latino teens – especially those who have experienced familia-based nerd bullying – must work harder to develop self-regard because it often means not being included in a favored group.  There’s that pain again.
Remember: Nerd bullying is about the bully; it is not about the nerd.  The resentment that shows through an insult or snide remark reflects how badly the bully feels about himself or how deeply she envies you.  Understanding the bully helps ward against those insults.  It doesn’t always stop the attacks, but the nerd will know what’s coming and how to shield herself from it. 
Nerd bullies often confuse kindness or lack of response with weakness.  They do not recognize the patience and strength a nerd uses to tolerate the barbs lodged against them.  Confrontation by the nerd – civil, direct and unflinching – can stop a bully, if only for a short time. Nerd lesson: Let people misperceive a weakness then use it as a defense and strength.
The greatest defense a nerd has against a bully – whether family or not – is to live happily.  Regardless of what the bully thinks or says, he knows that the nerd’s enthusiasm, mastery and competence is no match against their own sense of inadequacy.  Who’s the one who ultimately feels worse? •