As a pediatrician who has worked with children, how can we education children at an early age to deal with stress later in life?

Help parents recognize their OWN stressors and anxiety and direct them to the appropriate resources to cope with their own issues. Children are little sponges who model the behavior they are exposed to. Stressed and anxious parents who overeat, swear, bite their fingers will often see their children doing the same when they encounter stress (even happy stressors, like starting at a new school or going to an amusement park).

Play therapy is also a great way to help children with their stress. Children are great at expressing themselves when they are under stress. Sometimes they do this in healthy ways, and other times in unhealthy ways. What differentiates them from adults is that they are often unable to express themselves verbally when they don’t feel emotionally right. Their behavior, however, often tells the story.

Some tips that may help a stressed child:

1. Put a name on it. Label the stress. It is important to take notice and say something when the child is struggling. “It looks like you are feeling sad/angry/tired.”

2. Show empathy for the way s/he is feeling and get the whole story of what led up to feeling that way. Be a patient parent. 

3. Brainstorm about different ways to cope with stress (coloring, taking a walk, doing some exercises) and do them with the child 

4. Listen without judging 

5. Move on after listening. Do not reinforce negative behaviors (whining, crying, being exceptionally needy).

What are some key signs you can recognize in yourself or others that would indicate self-destructive tendencies?

Esteem-destroying negative “self-talk” is probably the most common sign or symptom one sees when a person is stressed out. The soundtrack that plays inside a stressed person’s brain is filled with negativisms and doubt (you are not well-liked, dumb, weak, selfish). When internally stressed, it is human nature to resort to dysregulated behaviors that can lead to self-harm if left unaddressed.

Children who are afflicted by stress have a tendency to engage in self-injurious behaviors repeatedly (biting nails, twirling their hair until it starts thinning or falling out, overeating, etc.). Stressed adults engage in what are often called “addictive” behaviors (binge eating, compulsive shopping, smoking, alcohol/drug abuse and others). These behaviors provide temporary relief and pleasure in the moment but are harmful over time.

Self-destructive or dysregulated behaviors ultimately get in the way of living a productive and fulfilling life.  The sooner these habits and behaviors are addressed and coped with, the better the person feels and can lead to a happier, more satisfying life.

What can schools do to promote mental health on campus?

Schools can provide training to educators, residence hall staff and others so that they can recognize when students are having difficulty coping with stress. The sooner mental health issues are addressed, the better the outcome for the student. Having readily available and stigma-free resources for students to address their mental health well-being is important. Short-term or long-term counseling (in person or via telemedicine) can help students who are struggling with depression, anxiety and self-destructive behaviors. •